Growing strong

… And so a new facet had begun in our lives. Getting angry, being even angrier and learning to deal with the anger.
This unfolding fiery tale was getting the best of us- tempers were short and understanding, even shorter.
Then I thought to myself- It was time to go. Nothing else made as much sense. Yes, it was definitely time to leave.
As I planned my ‘escape’ in my head I kept replaying the incident that had just taken place. “The best part of all this is that you didn’t die; we can try again”, he said.
Oh! That made sense; so much sense I hated him for it.
The words came then. In every way they came; in every manner they came. And as i kept babbling away I will always remember the look on his face- sorry but unrepentant, pitying but unmoving- and as my tirade slowly ceased, he then said softly, his eyes boring into mine  “You’re going nowhere. I didn’t marry you because you would give me a child, I married you for you”. That should have broken my resolve but all it did was fuel it the more. I balled my hands into fists, gave a frustrated growl and stumped out of the living room. So as I sat in my self-made confines, in my room and in my mind,  I bitterly grumbled, making sure he could hear all the anger and frustration spewing from my venom laden tongue. Hoping he would cave in and give me more unfounded reasons to leave.
My carefully orchestrated plans flew out the window as he cautiously but determinedly came to the door, looked at me for a few seconds and started walking towards me with his arms outstretched (like one would have them if cajoling a child). I instinctively stiffened, refusing any form of pacification, as the anger was my way of dealing with the pain and the depth of the loss. That didn’t stop him. He still yet found a way of perching at the edge of the bed I had so carefully positioned myself so that no space was left even for a mosquito to be on
He then bundled me into his arms and that’s when the tide broke. I let out all the fear, frustration, disappointment and anger in one huge sob before I crumpled in his arms; and despite whatever he was feeling, he let me cry my heart out as he slowly stroke my hair muttering over and over again, “it’s alright”.